Oh well the writing isn’t happening as often as I would like but life is kinda chaotic at the moment.

Anyway after my last post I decided to give things another go with M…..things were cool for a couple of weeks but now its just back to how it was before I ended things with him the first time……and once again I find myself in the position of feeling like I need to end the relationship as I feel am being taken advantage of (again!), I haven’t seen him since Valentines Day and communication between us has been minimal…..I had a one word reply to a text I sent on Tuesday night and I think thats about the extent of our conversation this week…..Is it too much to ask to find a manwho wants to spend time with me or who can be bothered to get off his arse and go out and get a job or who is even the slightest bit interested in how my day has been……I’m beginning to think it is.

 I kinda feel like he is just using me for sex and for money until something better comes along……i thought maybe this time we could make things work but I feel lonely and neglected and am soooo unhappy.  Oh well thats just life I guess…..maybe its just that I am getting what I deserve cos I never seem to do any better

Right well thats it for now, just really wanted someone to talk to about it even though I guess really I’m just talking to myself…..cant say its really helped……

well, i’ve been thinking about starting writing a blog for a few weeks now, but haven’t got round to it….but finally here i am so lets give it a go.  i think i’ll start by saying i haven’t really done anything like this before so all the layout and everything is gonna be a bit of a learning curve, so if anyone fancies leaving a comment with any suggestions on how to make it look better, or things i am doing wrong, then please feel free!

i have been thinking that i am kinda gonna use this like a diary so have decided that a degree of anonymity is probably for the best, as i’m not yet sure what i’m gonna be writing….

a bit about me….i have recently hit 26, which i’m not very happy about, being closer to 30 than 20 is really scary and i haven’t really got used to it yet! i am mummy to a gorgeous little boy who is 5 and makes me laugh every day.  i seperated from my husband almost a year and although there have been a couple of unfulfilling relationships, and a few one night stands over the past 11 or so months, i’m still on the look out for “mr right” although i’m beginning to doubt that he exists.

the current object of my desires is the person i was kissing at midnight on new years eve (we had a brief encounter about six months ago, and i am totally into him), the only problem is, is that he is a little on the young side (ok, alright, significantly on the young side…….but legal i might just add!), a bit of a rebel and basically totally unsuitable…..i don’t know what it is, but it’s just like i turn to jelly when i see him….i know i need to get over him, but think that the only way i’m gonna be able to do that is to find someone who can distract me from thinking about him, which i can assure you is no mean feat! mmmmmmmmmmmmmm

anyway i’m gonna be seeing him again on friday cos i have been invited to his dad’s (yeah i know how bad it sounds!) birthday party.  another little aside…..his dad knows about what has gone on between us in the past and is cool wi the age thing…..it does bother me a little bit tho and i’m pretty sure it bothers him which is why nothing serious is ever gonna happen between us

is it just an evolutionary thing that men mess women around? thats all i seem to have had lately, and to be honest its starting to annoy me.  there are three of them in my life at the moment and i have no idea where i stand with any of them.  i have just read that back and it sounds like a bit of a contradiction in terms, i don’t mean i am seeing 3 men, i’m not seeing anyone, but there are 3 of them at the moment that for one reason or another are playing a part in my life…..

first of all there is S, he is the hot, sexy young thing i was with at new year, the one who i am dying to get my hands on again at all costs!!

then there is M, he is who i was in a relationship with from around July-Nov last year and is now still messing me around

finally there is H, who is kinda like a fuck buddy but not……

i’m gonna stop now for a bit but i’m sure i’ll be back later cos to be honest my head is totally up my arse with regard to my lovelife and i’m hoping that maybe writing all this down will help me find some clarity and see which direction i need to take….

and well maybe some people will be cool enough to take the time to read what i’m waffling on about, and might leave me some comments to let me know what they would do in my situation, cos for me its got to the stage where i feel like i cant work it all out anymore and am ready to join a convent and swear myself off men for life!!

lvya xx